(AAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!)
Tuesday, July 21
Friday, July 17
Ace Of Cakes Gets Lost
As most of you know, I'm totally addicted to Ace of Cakes (mostly because I love and worship Geof Manthorne) and recently I've been recording the rerun episodes of Lost...so last night I watched the Lost episode of Ace of Cakes!!! it was so fantastic...So...enjoy
Ace of Cakes Gets Lost
(by the way...this is only going to be interesting to be people who watch either of the shows...so...sorry)
Ace of Cakes Gets Lost
(by the way...this is only going to be interesting to be people who watch either of the shows...so...sorry)
Tuesday, May 19
"squirrel, eclipse, the bumble bee..."
the television was on Kcal 9 and flashed to los angeles at night.
she opened her mouth to scream but immediately pressed the bottle to her lips and took a drink of ...whatever it was. the taste was awful. it was way too sweet. and hot.
as badly as she wanted to spit it out, she cringed and swallowed it. the warm sugary soda burned her throat like cough syrup.
twisting the cap tightly on then tossing the bottle into the trash. grabbed her electriklover off the countertop and pressed "shuffle all"
plastina mosh, sohodolls, scooter, fischerspooner and 3Oh!3 played as she danced from room to room. her mp3 player in the back pocket of her worn and faded jeans.
her white rabbit t shirt was a little too big but it was so comfortable. the heat was truly incredible. sweat laced her hairline and the length of her spine. she stopped for a moment in front of the oscillating fan.
then the next song began to play...she laughed out loud.
....
she leaned her ear closer to the little insignia mp3 player boom box on the table, she backed it up to 1:34 and made him listen to it for a third time.
he rolled his eyes "it's not, i promise you."
"i am going to google it"
"dont waste your time. i know it for a fact" he said.
"i swear thats jstar on backing vocals"she said
he ignored her.
....
she unwrapped a ghiradelli square of dark chocolate and snapped it between her teeth. the unsweetened chocolate melted slowly like fog.
she wasnt exactly sure why she was repeating the Lord's Prayer while swatting flies in her kitchen... probably because it felt wrong to love killing so much but she did a half pirouette and "our father" WHACK!!!
she wasnt sure flies had souls either... she knew butterflies had souls and moths...but if flies had souls, hopefully now they could rest in peace. not that she was somehow ordained or anything...
what started as a simple daisy on the back of her hand twirled up her arm. a pen ink snake twisted around her skin and disappeared at the space of the elbow you can't see without a mirror...unless you worked for cirque du soleil...
....
P's stomach muscles were in spasms. she slouched farther into her seat. it was all she could do not to laugh out loud.
"no, not ditto...dido, as in dido and aeneas..." A. explained very sweetly but the 'microphone monkey' continued to stare in pure and utter mystification.
fishing her cell out of her pocket, P. texted "i bet if you held her up to your ear you could hear the ocean"
A. laughed softly.
"anyway, next question"
....
she opened her mouth to scream but immediately pressed the bottle to her lips and took a drink of ...whatever it was. the taste was awful. it was way too sweet. and hot.
as badly as she wanted to spit it out, she cringed and swallowed it. the warm sugary soda burned her throat like cough syrup.
twisting the cap tightly on then tossing the bottle into the trash. grabbed her electriklover off the countertop and pressed "shuffle all"
plastina mosh, sohodolls, scooter, fischerspooner and 3Oh!3 played as she danced from room to room. her mp3 player in the back pocket of her worn and faded jeans.
her white rabbit t shirt was a little too big but it was so comfortable. the heat was truly incredible. sweat laced her hairline and the length of her spine. she stopped for a moment in front of the oscillating fan.
then the next song began to play...she laughed out loud.
....
she leaned her ear closer to the little insignia mp3 player boom box on the table, she backed it up to 1:34 and made him listen to it for a third time.
he rolled his eyes "it's not, i promise you."
"i am going to google it"
"dont waste your time. i know it for a fact" he said.
"i swear thats jstar on backing vocals"she said
he ignored her.
....
she unwrapped a ghiradelli square of dark chocolate and snapped it between her teeth. the unsweetened chocolate melted slowly like fog.
she wasnt exactly sure why she was repeating the Lord's Prayer while swatting flies in her kitchen... probably because it felt wrong to love killing so much but she did a half pirouette and "our father" WHACK!!!
she wasnt sure flies had souls either... she knew butterflies had souls and moths...but if flies had souls, hopefully now they could rest in peace. not that she was somehow ordained or anything...
what started as a simple daisy on the back of her hand twirled up her arm. a pen ink snake twisted around her skin and disappeared at the space of the elbow you can't see without a mirror...unless you worked for cirque du soleil...
....
P's stomach muscles were in spasms. she slouched farther into her seat. it was all she could do not to laugh out loud.
"no, not ditto...dido, as in dido and aeneas..." A. explained very sweetly but the 'microphone monkey' continued to stare in pure and utter mystification.
fishing her cell out of her pocket, P. texted "i bet if you held her up to your ear you could hear the ocean"
A. laughed softly.
"anyway, next question"
....
Monday, May 11
"When revelation calls"
she had managed to totally deny the events that were to take place until that day and had almost convinced herself that it wasn't real.
the rest started to go inside when one stopped and called "are you going to wait for-"
"yes, go ahead" she said.
the sun had long since gone down but her sunglasses remained on her eyes, serving as a shield...wether they were shielding her from seeing too much or from others seeing her...maybe it was both.
when the others had disappeared inside, she scanned the parking lot and when she noticed a certain vehicle was there and a certain other vehicle was not... she threw up in the gutter twice.
she furiously text messaged "please tell me you're almost here" as she carefully walked the white line of each parking space.
"we're turning onto the street as we speak" was the reply.
and for a moment she actually felt worse. the confirmation that yes, this was happening made her feel sick all over again.
the suv pulled slowly into the lot, A in the passengers seat, sitting straight up and as still as stone.
inside was like a tango of calm and chaos. A had been shanghaied and led off to another room and she was left alone with the others.
she tried to think back to an episode of mythbusters when they attempted to prove that if your car drives off the road into a lake...to stay calm and let the car fill with water before trying to escape you'll survive...but she would have rather been in a car submerged in water than where she was.
the stage door opened and she heard two voices above the rest.
she wanted to swallow poison. she saw herself as a tree, being pecked relentlessly by harpies.
"we're ready for you now"
------------
he saw her come in.
she was pressing her palms against her thighs, trying to dry the sweat on her jeans. forcing herself to breathe.
"we've got you right here" they said and she stepped onto the set
she moved around the amoeba shaped armchair slowly, she slipped into it next to him yet her focus remained straight ahead.
he thought the light on the crown of her head gave her hair a plumb hue and he watched her sit, stiff as a board except for her right heel she tapped up and down.
it wasnt random, she was stomping a drumbeat....he wondered which...
she seemed...bored. or preoccupied at least.
hair and make up bustled around her, moving pieces of her hair and applying a mattifying powder to her under eyes.
he watched her pick away at the polish on her thumbnails, he wondered if she even realized she was doing it? did she realize she was jutting out her jaw to one side?
then he spoke....
the rest started to go inside when one stopped and called "are you going to wait for-"
"yes, go ahead" she said.
the sun had long since gone down but her sunglasses remained on her eyes, serving as a shield...wether they were shielding her from seeing too much or from others seeing her...maybe it was both.
when the others had disappeared inside, she scanned the parking lot and when she noticed a certain vehicle was there and a certain other vehicle was not... she threw up in the gutter twice.
she furiously text messaged "please tell me you're almost here" as she carefully walked the white line of each parking space.
"we're turning onto the street as we speak" was the reply.
and for a moment she actually felt worse. the confirmation that yes, this was happening made her feel sick all over again.
the suv pulled slowly into the lot, A in the passengers seat, sitting straight up and as still as stone.
inside was like a tango of calm and chaos. A had been shanghaied and led off to another room and she was left alone with the others.
she tried to think back to an episode of mythbusters when they attempted to prove that if your car drives off the road into a lake...to stay calm and let the car fill with water before trying to escape you'll survive...but she would have rather been in a car submerged in water than where she was.
the stage door opened and she heard two voices above the rest.
she wanted to swallow poison. she saw herself as a tree, being pecked relentlessly by harpies.
"we're ready for you now"
------------
he saw her come in.
she was pressing her palms against her thighs, trying to dry the sweat on her jeans. forcing herself to breathe.
"we've got you right here" they said and she stepped onto the set
she moved around the amoeba shaped armchair slowly, she slipped into it next to him yet her focus remained straight ahead.
he thought the light on the crown of her head gave her hair a plumb hue and he watched her sit, stiff as a board except for her right heel she tapped up and down.
it wasnt random, she was stomping a drumbeat....he wondered which...
she seemed...bored. or preoccupied at least.
hair and make up bustled around her, moving pieces of her hair and applying a mattifying powder to her under eyes.
he watched her pick away at the polish on her thumbnails, he wondered if she even realized she was doing it? did she realize she was jutting out her jaw to one side?
then he spoke....
Wednesday, April 29
"at this moment there are 6,776,625,583 people in the world...."
its 12:21
long hallway with a broken light begins and she slams into the wall. fists against the stone. white on white. she turns and slides down the wall, her skin being pulled against the roughness. the wind blows her hair from her neck and she smells her own scent and cant understand...
the park is maddeningly desolate. she feels beneath her chest a burning frenzy. a thirst stirring her insides to test the boundaries between here and... reckless.
"Some are running scared."
i never thanked you for coming to me...the night i wanted to run away...for sitting on the floor of that empty room and talking to me...for watching me in silence as we drove through my neighborhood and i was on the brink of tears...
thank you for watching over me.
"Some are coming home."
she flicked off the light and lifted the blankets and slid into the queen size.
she felt oceans away from...everything. she cried out. answered only by the cruel echo of the impertinence of her own heart.
she collapsed inward. imploding.
"Some tell lies to make it through the day."
"you okay?" his eyes were sweet and dark.
"hmm?" i pretended i didn't hear the question
"are you okay?"
my hands fly to the chain around my neck, my fingers gripping tight around the black "A" pendant. "i'm fine." i say...not fooling anyone.
"what's wrong?"
"nothing" my voice is shrill.
"you sure?" each question like a sandpaper against a sunburn.
"i just want to be alone" it was a lie...but he left anyway
"Others are just now facing the truth"
they had arranged the chairs, loveseat and coffee table in the hotel to doing their writing...endless ink scribbles on notebook pages.
the scent of egg-free and dairy-free apple muffins hung in the air.
the girl has her instrument across her lap, her hand around a brown peet's mug.
she looks up and sees the wings she's under. she breathes and sends ripples across the dark liquid.
"Six billion people."
i crossed the street and entered inside the fence, walked the parking lot of the los angeles memorial coliseum and just across the grass was the sports arena.
i could still see robots and space triangles.
i was jealous. i loved you too much.
"Six billion souls."
the 80s canadian dark synthpop duo, psyche dances in the video for eternal.
the first dances as he sings "broken words permeate the room. let the moment never fade away..."
the second in a white button down and black coat remains behind his casio keyboard. he looks up to watch the first dance. still playing.
"But sometimes...all you need is one."
it was a need she couldn't explain...to anyone. no one would understand. no one could.
she's breathing. she's alive. thats all that matters.
its 12:21
long hallway with a broken light begins and she slams into the wall. fists against the stone. white on white. she turns and slides down the wall, her skin being pulled against the roughness. the wind blows her hair from her neck and she smells her own scent and cant understand...
the park is maddeningly desolate. she feels beneath her chest a burning frenzy. a thirst stirring her insides to test the boundaries between here and... reckless.
"Some are running scared."
i never thanked you for coming to me...the night i wanted to run away...for sitting on the floor of that empty room and talking to me...for watching me in silence as we drove through my neighborhood and i was on the brink of tears...
thank you for watching over me.
"Some are coming home."
she flicked off the light and lifted the blankets and slid into the queen size.
she felt oceans away from...everything. she cried out. answered only by the cruel echo of the impertinence of her own heart.
she collapsed inward. imploding.
"Some tell lies to make it through the day."
"you okay?" his eyes were sweet and dark.
"hmm?" i pretended i didn't hear the question
"are you okay?"
my hands fly to the chain around my neck, my fingers gripping tight around the black "A" pendant. "i'm fine." i say...not fooling anyone.
"what's wrong?"
"nothing" my voice is shrill.
"you sure?" each question like a sandpaper against a sunburn.
"i just want to be alone" it was a lie...but he left anyway
"Others are just now facing the truth"
they had arranged the chairs, loveseat and coffee table in the hotel to doing their writing...endless ink scribbles on notebook pages.
the scent of egg-free and dairy-free apple muffins hung in the air.
the girl has her instrument across her lap, her hand around a brown peet's mug.
she looks up and sees the wings she's under. she breathes and sends ripples across the dark liquid.
"Six billion people."
i crossed the street and entered inside the fence, walked the parking lot of the los angeles memorial coliseum and just across the grass was the sports arena.
i could still see robots and space triangles.
i was jealous. i loved you too much.
"Six billion souls."
the 80s canadian dark synthpop duo, psyche dances in the video for eternal.
the first dances as he sings "broken words permeate the room. let the moment never fade away..."
the second in a white button down and black coat remains behind his casio keyboard. he looks up to watch the first dance. still playing.
"But sometimes...all you need is one."
it was a need she couldn't explain...to anyone. no one would understand. no one could.
she's breathing. she's alive. thats all that matters.
Monday, April 27
heure de feindre
she didn't know why she thought she would be there...but her eyes never stopped looking for her.
all day.
in the parking lot of the marketplace, the library, the arena and the walgreens by her house.
every car that passed by the park that day she thought would be hers... coming to see her.
she turned over onto her back on the blanket in the grass... she was too mad at a character in her book to keep reading anyway...
finally she stuffed her earbuds into her ears and blasted the volume.
it was quiet...she closed her eyes...and then...
notes
she focused on the music...almost like she thought she would hear something different than she ever had before...maybe it was a game she played by herself...
sometimes she could...sometimes she could find something else, something she never noticed before and it would make her feel whole for a moment.
but found nothing...not this time.
she wished the sky would swallow her.
"They can see it, you know. You can't go on just pretending." said Mr. Barrie
"Just pretending?" said Mrs. Davies "You brought pretending into this family, James. You showed us we can change things by simply believing them to be different"
"A lot of things, Sylvia. Not everything."
"But the things that matter. We've pretended for some time now that you're a part of this family, haven't we? You've come to mean so much to us all that now, it doesn't matter if it's true. And even if it isn't true, even if that can never be... I need to go on pretending... until the end... with you."
la belle douleur
all day.
in the parking lot of the marketplace, the library, the arena and the walgreens by her house.
every car that passed by the park that day she thought would be hers... coming to see her.
she turned over onto her back on the blanket in the grass... she was too mad at a character in her book to keep reading anyway...
finally she stuffed her earbuds into her ears and blasted the volume.
it was quiet...she closed her eyes...and then...
notes
she focused on the music...almost like she thought she would hear something different than she ever had before...maybe it was a game she played by herself...
sometimes she could...sometimes she could find something else, something she never noticed before and it would make her feel whole for a moment.
but found nothing...not this time.
she wished the sky would swallow her.
"They can see it, you know. You can't go on just pretending." said Mr. Barrie
"Just pretending?" said Mrs. Davies "You brought pretending into this family, James. You showed us we can change things by simply believing them to be different"
"A lot of things, Sylvia. Not everything."
"But the things that matter. We've pretended for some time now that you're a part of this family, haven't we? You've come to mean so much to us all that now, it doesn't matter if it's true. And even if it isn't true, even if that can never be... I need to go on pretending... until the end... with you."
la belle douleur
Wednesday, April 22
the breaking song
she felt the vibrations indicating a new text message through the denim against her leg and pulled it out...
12:40pm Tue, Apr 21
"i lost you once, i think i can do it again...if i thought thats what you really wanted" said noah "but don't you take the easy way out"
"What easy way? there is no easy way, no matter what i do somebody gets hurt!" said allie
"would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? stop thinking about what i want, what he wants, what your parents want...what do you want?"
"it's not that simple" she said "i have to go"
she immediately felt the sweat on the palm of her hand as the phone slipped from her grasp, landing in the bathroom sink.
her knees gave out and she bowed, her forehead on the cold countertop.
"no" she said "please, no"
"it just feels like ever since we got back together you've just been waiting....waiting to push me away"
"oh, great! you kiss peyton...Again! and I'm pushing you away"
"I love you brooke, i don't know how else to say it" he said
"how about how you show it? i am not pushing you away, lucas, i am holding on for dear life but i need you to need me back! why wouldnt you tell me about the kiss and why didnt you call me when you were away? and why wont you ever just let me all the way in?...."
she tightens her gip on the copy of till we have faces
her eyes glinting as the car begins to fill with a firey heat but she can't move because she's paralyzed by the radio...
the begining notes unlock a sequence of memories that hurt now
i see nothing in your eyes
and the more i see the less i like
is it over yet?
in my head
i know nothing of you kind
and i wont reveal your evil mind
is it over yet?
i cant wait
so sacrifice yourself
and let me have whats left
i know that i can find
a fire in your eyes
i'm going all the way
get away...please
you take the breath right out of me
and left a hole where my heart should be
you gotta fight just to make it through
cause i will be the death of you...
the scene shifts as jude boards the train...he sings "...words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
they slither while they pass they slip away across the universe
pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind
possessing and caressing me..."
i know theres something in the wake of your smile
i get a notion from the look in your eyes
you've built a love
but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven turns to dark...
forced back into the darkness that claimed another summer...and she can feel this one burning already...
circus songs and butterflies
chesire cats and silhouettes
fade to black...
the smile when you tore me apart
you took my heart
deceived me right from the start
you showed me dreams
i wish they'd turn into real
you broke a promise and made me realize
it was all just a lie
could have been forever
now we have reached the end
12:40pm Tue, Apr 21
"i lost you once, i think i can do it again...if i thought thats what you really wanted" said noah "but don't you take the easy way out"
"What easy way? there is no easy way, no matter what i do somebody gets hurt!" said allie
"would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? stop thinking about what i want, what he wants, what your parents want...what do you want?"
"it's not that simple" she said "i have to go"
she immediately felt the sweat on the palm of her hand as the phone slipped from her grasp, landing in the bathroom sink.
her knees gave out and she bowed, her forehead on the cold countertop.
"no" she said "please, no"
"it just feels like ever since we got back together you've just been waiting....waiting to push me away"
"oh, great! you kiss peyton...Again! and I'm pushing you away"
"I love you brooke, i don't know how else to say it" he said
"how about how you show it? i am not pushing you away, lucas, i am holding on for dear life but i need you to need me back! why wouldnt you tell me about the kiss and why didnt you call me when you were away? and why wont you ever just let me all the way in?...."
she tightens her gip on the copy of till we have faces
her eyes glinting as the car begins to fill with a firey heat but she can't move because she's paralyzed by the radio...
the begining notes unlock a sequence of memories that hurt now
i see nothing in your eyes
and the more i see the less i like
is it over yet?
in my head
i know nothing of you kind
and i wont reveal your evil mind
is it over yet?
i cant wait
so sacrifice yourself
and let me have whats left
i know that i can find
a fire in your eyes
i'm going all the way
get away...please
you take the breath right out of me
and left a hole where my heart should be
you gotta fight just to make it through
cause i will be the death of you...
the scene shifts as jude boards the train...he sings "...words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
they slither while they pass they slip away across the universe
pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my open mind
possessing and caressing me..."
i know theres something in the wake of your smile
i get a notion from the look in your eyes
you've built a love
but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven turns to dark...
forced back into the darkness that claimed another summer...and she can feel this one burning already...
circus songs and butterflies
chesire cats and silhouettes
fade to black...
the smile when you tore me apart
you took my heart
deceived me right from the start
you showed me dreams
i wish they'd turn into real
you broke a promise and made me realize
it was all just a lie
could have been forever
now we have reached the end
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